this is truly the saddest day of my life... what i can say is... i have been always honest to myself from day one..and always have to those close to me...but at this moment ...i felt betrayal... lost not only a friend of recent..but that particular day...i lost too something of precious to me...i also lost trust even to myself and the principles that i have withheld...it has been a wonderful journey... maybe that was just it...a journey. i now will go on a journey...alone...just like i use too at one time...being solitaire does have it advantage....it does not hurt. just silent and calm...loneliness works best for me...care not of anyone...but just plain old me. I need to go on a journey...a long journey...well the opportunity is there...but i just need to be a bit patient... i hope i could, i wish i could, help me Allah...let my wish..my long wish that i made everyday come true... i am beaten at this very moment...i have just give up...no more hope and no more strength within to pursuit... i have always give in to goodness...but what i felt is not giving in to any goodness any more...neither to badness i give in...just to you Allah... i will erase my present in this world...little by little as how i make present myself little by little...let me finish what that ask of you to do...and take me if you still love me Allah...let me complete what i needed to do and take me then for i do not wish any more...i have always felt the love of You...i have always try to be the best with all that are the weakness in me... I have always keep You close in my heart and thank you for having teachers me and helping me along the way..i have alway felt You near to me...syukur Alhamdulillah.... last my wish Allah...let my children be successful in life and life after...i have done that i could within my mean...to those i may have offended or mistreat ...find yourself a place in your heart to forgive me...i am sorry...i may still pen something occasionally useful i hope...thanks and i now silent myself ever greatly.